Assembling alfresco
So it came to pass that Pas, with the least number of representatives in the assembly, had one from their ranks becoming the menteri besar, and a Secularist Islamist Centrist State Government was formed. And for a few seconds, all was good.
Yusseri Yusoff, The Malaysian Insider
By now, just about anyone who reads “news” would know that the (former, or maybe current, or maybe even dissolved) Perak State Assembly had assembled under a tree. This is, apparently, the first recorded instance of Alfresco Assembly in the country, or as the French would say, “En Plein Air”.
For most people, the circumstances leading to this refreshing approach towards governance is well-known. However, there might be some still wondering. So, for the sake of posterity, we at the Malaysian Institute of Learning Foundation for Political Research On Nationalism (MILF-PRON)[1] shall provide a potted history. For the sake of expedience (and time, because we don't want to miss Happy Hour at the George & Dragon), we shall start from the 12th General Election, 8th of March, 2008.
The “tsunami” that was the ridiculously bombastic description given to the 12th GE had, among others, led to a situation sometimes referred to as a “hung Dewan” in Perak. And it was well hung indeed, since the results were as so:
Total number of seats: 59
BN won: 28
DAP won: 18
PKR won: 7
PAS won: 6
What that meant was that technically, the BN could have formed a minority government.
Soon after the results were made known, some people from the BN had a brainfart, and realised that if they ganged up with Pas, they'd have the majority of seats, and the Perak State Assembly would not be well hung anymore.
At the same time, the three opposition parties, including Pas, had a brainfart of their own and decided to gang up together, so that they would have a simple majority. This formed part of the genesis for what eventually became known as the Pakatan Rakyat coalition[2].
Having decided to work together, partially because of a hatred for a common enemy, the then loose coalition submitted to the Ruler of Perak that they were ready to form a government. The Ruler, being above politics, yet required to consent to the formation of his state's government, decided to have an interview with all members of the three parties to ascertain that they all agreed to paddle in the same direction, and concluded that he was satisfied that they were.
With the secular democrats from DAP having the highest number of seats, it was initially thought that the menteri besar would be from one of their shower. However, it turned out that the Perak constitution required that the menteri besar be a Malaysian of Malay extraction, and the secular democrats did not have a single representative within their ranks that fit that description (not even constitutionally). Therefore, the menteri besar was to be selected from either the vaguely conservative PKR or the utterly conservative Pas (though the DAP submitted a name too — for form's sake).
So it came to pass that Pas, with the least number of representatives in the assembly, had one from their ranks becoming the menteri besar, and a Secularist Islamist Centrist State Government was formed. And for a few seconds, all was good.
It was not to last, because there were rumblings that even though Pas had the MB post, the strings were pulled by two guys from DAP, namely Nga and Ngeh (and most people didn't know what their full names were. And it did not matter).
Almost as quickly, two representatives from PKR were put under investigation by the Anti-Corruption Agency for something to do with some contractors, land, RM180 million and negotiated affection with women from China. The details of the charges were less important than the debate on whether partaking in bonking with women provided for gratis can be considered charity. It's generally accepted, though, that it's not. No, not even if you're well hung.
With the fates of the two PKR assemblymen in the balance (still “representing the people”, pending their court cases), the state government continued to attempt to govern.
For a period, there were only minor skirmishes, the most notable being the awarding of freehold land titles to Chinese villagers, given as proof that Pas was under the thumb of DAP. That whoever happened to live on that land, Chinese or otherwise, was given the titles were not particularly highlighted, since in the realm of political opinion only lies matter.
The only other matter of note was the purchase of Toyota Camrys to replace Proton Perdanas as official executive councillor cars, which lead to a debate on the actual price of a gearbox for the Perdanas. It was, presumably, exciting for current owners of Perdana and those considering buying one. Camry owners, meanwhile, were smirking at Accord owners all over the country.
Then things started to go downside up. An Umno assemblyman decided to hop over to the other gang, citing, “This decision has been taken after a long study and consideration of the public’s interest in general, especially my supporters and voters in the state assembly area of Bota.”
Consequently, it was found that the two aforementioned PKR charity cases could not be, err, found. They resurfaced a few days later, one of them saying that he was on medical leave to get treatment for back pain, possibly at a “health centre”. They then announced that they were leaving PKR to become independents, yet intimately friendly with BN and/or Umno.
They were followed by a DAP assemblyperson, who it was presumed left the DAP due to disagreements with the Ngeh and the Nga. Quite possibly a Camry was part of the dispute. She became intimate with BN too.
It also turned out that the Umno-to-PKR jumper had actually bought a return ticket, and therefore re-emerged into Umno, citing, “This decision has been taken after a long study and consideration of the public’s interest in general, especially my supporters and voters in the state assembly area of Bota.” He added: “With humility.”
So, the BN assemblypersons with their three intimates then went to see the Ruler, who interviewed each and every one of them to ascertain that they were serious in paddling in the same direction. He was satisfied, and therefore allowed BN+3 to form a new state government. The Camry Owners Club, in the meantime, were planning to hold a victory parade in front of a Mercedes dealership.
The now technically deposed PR government then respectfully disagreed, especially since prior to the Ruler meeting the BN and their intimates, the MB had sought an audience with the Ruler to ask for dissolution of the State Assembly.
While the “new” government was being sworn in, the “government in exile” met in the official residence of the MB. The Exco members turning up in their Camrys and the others using their own vehicles or preferred modes of transportation. Camry owners all over the country continued to puff up with pride.
Further, it turned out that the Speaker of the assembly had, technically, not been deposed.
Which brings us current, more or less. There were demonstrations, marches, accusations of treason, declarations of loyalty and fealty, court orders, injunctions, interviews, recusals and no governance being done. Also, a spokesperson from Proton released a statement to say that Perdana gearboxes are not all that expensive. The Camry owners did not notice.
And the Assembly of the Tree. Attended by all assemblypersons from PR, who voted unanimously to pass three motions.
So, here we are. Most people have no idea what the three motions were, nor did they care, since the spectacle of the Alfresco Assembly made anything resembling governance moot. It is clear, however, that this is far from over, and we at MILF-PRON will continue to watch the comedy and periodically update our research, based on developments and other lies.
Finally, we are well aware that the above account may not be chronologically consistent, or even factually true. However, MILF-PRON is not an organisation that have ever been accused of letting facts get in the way of the funny, and we're not about to start now. We're like politicians that way.
Footnotes:
[1] MILF-PRON is a virtual, non-profit, non-governmental organisation funded by shadowy peddlers of rhetoric, sustained by copious amounts of Hang Tuah coffee and whatever's on tap during Happy Hour at the G&D.
[2] Leading to hopes of a “two-party system”, consisting of the parties Pas, DAP, PKR as one party and the parties Umno, MCA, MIC, SUPP, PPP, Gerakan, et. al as another party. No, it’s not mathematically correct. See previous statement on facts and lies.
