It Is Really Easy To Explain

By batsman 

For the sake of friendly argument and having some idle time, I wish to take up RPK’s challenge that religions have difficulty explaining why they miscalculated the birth of the world or the Creation so badly. In fact it does not even need religion to explain at all. It is really very easy. Primitive scientific guesswork works just fine.

Historians and philosophers have observed that the history of the world is a history of conflict. It is not a leap of logic to assume that pre-history is also full of conflict. It is not as if when man invented written languages, conflicts started but before this when there was only the spoken word, there was peace and harmony all round. 

So it is safe to scientifically assume that pre-history is also full of human conflicts. My contention and therefore explanation is that what the religionists calculated was the “Out of Africa Movement” of humanity. Since this is also widely and scientifically accepted, my contention is still within the bounds of science. My argument follows thus: 

Humanity started in Africa with a small group of about 1,000 intrepid humans who went out to conquer and settle also every square kilometer of the world about 20,000 years ago. This is the scientific theory as far as I know. 

Come to think of it, this was not a small achievement. How were they able to achieve this when all they had were primitive tools and not even agriculture at the beginning? I assume that this is because there were no other humans in the territory they settled. Expansion in territory settled by humans is vastly more difficult than expansion in territories devoid of humans – just look at the Americans’ Vietnamese, Korean, Iraqi and Afghan experience. 

But getting on with my scientific story; as humans they already possessed the spoken word since science claims humans are differentiated from apes by their ability to vocalize or speak. Stories of their past adventures were passed down through the ages by word of mouth and became what was the equivalent of spoken history. 

Like many mammals, humans formed into prides or herds. They are called tribes. The pre-history full of conflicts is the pre-history of tribal conflict (this also partly explains why racial conflicts parallel class conflicts in emotion and hatred – because it is built into our genes). And just like animals, when the tribe became too big, some were cast out and had to settle farther and farther away from the home territory – some sort of creeping expansion of humans that eventually covered the whole of the globe. 

The Out of Africa Movement assumes there was a home territory. This was the pre-historic Eden where game and food was plentiful and people were happy. Adam and Eve however were thieves (or worse, adulterers since all the pictures of Adam and Eve show they did not wear any clothes) and were cast out from their tribe (they should just have had their hands or some other limb cut off instead to solve the problem). They had to settle further afield in less fertile territory. In time even Adam and Eve’s tribe became so big that they had to be broken up into several tribes and formed the tribes of Israel. They went out to colonise more and more territory and expanded even faster than the original tribe in Eden who because they were happy and contented and did not have to struggle very hard became lazy and eventually disappeared from history altogether – they never bothered to develop written language and therefore their descendents were unable to counter the propaganda of Adam and Eve’s descendents. (I hope this will not be used as the basis to claim all of Africa by the Zionists) 

The spoken history of Adam and Eve’s tribe was still being passed down from generation to generation, doubtless because there were a few fine story tellers and funny liberals amongst them and Adam and Eve probably had a guilty conscience and were anxious to explain their punishment in a manner acceptable to the culture of the time and they harped and harped on the old stories just like the funny liberals harp and harp on funny liberal myths. By the time they reached the Middle East, they had invented the written word and thus the start of human history. 

It is not illogical that they compiled all the spoken myths and legends they had and put them all down in written form as the story of the start of the world. Obviously some things became distorted or lost in the passage of time and since they were probably egoistic people concerned only with their own development; their own pre-history became the story of the Creation instead of the Out of Africa Movement. 

Still later on the religionists gathered all the written records and tried to calculate when it all started. They were fairly accurate but because myths become a bit foggy over time, (after all even peoples’ genes changed and the different tribes became different races) and different tribes had different versions of the story, what they calculated was the Out of Africa Movement instead. 

All this scientific guesswork, however, does nothing to dispel the certainty that God created the universe. It just demonstrates how easy it is to formulate scientific myths by connecting all the other myths and all the significant points of human pre-history and history together with a viable explanation and with only a few minutes of hammering on the keyboard. Best of all it is done within the bounds of science – no need to quarrel with religion. Some of you may want to use this scientific theory as part of your scientific PhD thesis and obtain a valuable scientific certificate that cannot be questioned by JAIS – you are most welcome to do so. Heeheehee.