Response to “Honeymoon is over”

By  Hillary “Hilarious” Klentong

Dear RPK,
 
You may not know me, but I know enough about you – thanks to Wikileaks – to share the contents of this fictitious e-mail I received from a senior Umno party member who wishes to remain anonymous. According to this unanimous Umno member – let’s call him Datuk as no one in Umno is not one – he truly admires your guts but not your logic.

According to him, if you put the sequence of events together, no sane Malaysian, excluding those in the Juicydiary and those at the bar across the street, will ever come close to your preposterous conclusion. You claimed that Malaysians are prostitutes who can be bought for just RM100. What you failed to mention was that there are those in Sewarak who were willing to offer their soul for a price payable in two instalments – 15% now and the balance after the erection.
 
According to Datuk’s logic, Malaysians are not prostitutes because they were not paid for their services at the ballot box. Yes, these prostitutes received money before they reached the ballot box, but they were not paid. And that makes a world of difference between truth and integrity.
 
I bet you there will be hundreds of our politicians who will willingly swear on their holy book in their holy place that they do not have a single sen in a foreign bank in a foreign country. And Bank Negara can vouch for that, as they know the billions of Ringgit in a foreign bank in a foreign country is not worth a single sen. Under the strict protocol of BN (not sure if it’s Bank Negara or Barang Naik), such money must first be converted into USD or AUD or Euro before they are allowed to leave the country. This is in line with the nation’s strategy of keeping the Ringgit within the country.
 
According to a woman who spoke (and this woman is commonly referred to as a spokeswoman) on behalf of Jabatan Hasil Dengan Ngeri (JHDN), when a prostitute is paid with money stolen from another prostitute, that prostitute is said to have been paid for his services because the client didn’t steal the money from him in the first place. Accordingly, such payment is deemed as income for tax purposes.
 
However, according to the US Congress, when a prostitute is paid with money stolen from his pocket, that prostitute is said to have received a double whammy money. If he refuses to accept the money after being screwed, there’ll be hundreds of others who will not only step forward, but happily bend forward to accept what is rightly his money. If, on the other hand, he accepts the money, he is said to have received money which made a U-turn that moved from one pocket to the other without his knowledge. In such a case, the prostitute may claim for relief under the Double Taxation Agreement (DTA) signed between JHDN and the govt. Under this DTA, monies received by politicians out of taxes paid by taxpayers are exempted from Statutory Income as such income in the hands of the politicians is already taxed at source.
 
According to Datuk’s email, he concluded that Malaysians are not prostitutes because they were not paid for their services at the ballot box. As such, he would be ever grateful to you if you refrain from confusing the voters with your logic. According to Datuk, if Malaysians cannot distinguish between a U-turn and a My-turn (not to be confused with a My-vi), how could they possibly distinguish between what TV3 said and what you said they said.
 
By the way, I am attaching a cheque for RM1,000,000 as your share of the money I received from Honda for promoting their latest Accord model. According to them, this payment is tax exempt as the govt has already screwed sufficient taxes from car buyers.
 
 — Hillary “Hilarious” Klentong