Perkosa files yet another report
WTF News
A US-based Malay rights NGO Persetubuhan Perkosa Bumi Malaysia (Perkosa) has lodged a police report against C** St**ens. The report was filed at the Patpong District Police Station in Bangkok.
The Big Chief of Perkosa, Sheriff Dean, urged the police to investigate thoroughly media reports of efforts to “usurp” Islam’s position as the official religion of a friendly country.
The Big Chief added, “If what was reported was true, then it is seditious for C** St**ens, now known as Y**uf Islam, to spread his religion in various ways so that their believers can become the majority in that friendly country.
When approached for his reaction to the allegation, C** St**ens denied any role in the allegation.
“When I decided to follow the teachings of Islam as my way of life, I also wanted to change my name. I first thought of naming myself after a legendary boxer I truly admire. The name Ali Cat came to mind as I was holding sekuntum mawar merah in the month of February. However, I was told that name was out of the question as the band was, and still is, performing. I then had the idea of the name Yusuf followed by the religion of my new scripture. So, Yusuff Islam was the natural choice for my name. And now, after more than 34 years, why am I being accused of yusuffing Islam? That is really sad. I hope somebody will help to enlighten these NGOs that Islam is more than just about what dance you can gyrate to.”
In his report, the Big Chief referred to yesterday’s front-page report by Malay dairy Utusan Meloya which claimed that a rocket scientist, seen wearing a logo of a rocket on his shirt pocket, together with board members of Christian Dior are working to instate Christian Dior as the country’s official supplier of spectacle glasses for schoolchildren with visual handicap. The report also alleged that the supplier insisted that the constitution be amended to make it compulsory for the prime minister to wear Christian Dior sunglasses when attending any function, including those at night, as the prime minister will be supplied with photochromic lenses.
The allegation by Perkosa drew international attention. The diplomatic community in Tel Aviv were very sympathetic towards Perkosa. Their spokesperson explained, “We understand the threats faced by Islam. We were there when it all started. We can only hope and pray that Perkosa will be able to change the humiliation that Muslims, especially the Malays, have had to face in overcoming the threats faced by Islam these last 1,400 years.”
Following the allegation by Perkosa, a study was undertaken by the Science University of Malaysia, or better known in the local language as Universiti Sains Malaysia, to assess the propensity to skew towards preposterous probability of the Perkosa allegation being true. The study, to be headed by renowned professor, Professor Apparatus Tan Sri Dato Dr. Hj. Zul, popularly known as Zookeeper, will commence as soon as the results have been agreed upon with the Cabinet.
– A Satirical Piece from WTF News –
