A dialogue with my inner self

I have been praying for the Palestinians for 30 years

zamyahaya

I watched the news with horror as the Israelis pounded Gaza with bombs and by now about 300 killed and again killing women and children and mostly civilians.

I have been praying for the Palestinians for 30 years and attended numerous demonstrations in front of the US Embassy. I will keep on praying even if it takes another 30 years. When there is nothing we can do (really nothing?), hope is the only thing we have left.

I hope and pray the Hamas militants will whack the Israeli soldiers but I think they will get whacked and a few hundred more civilians will die.

I pray and hope Allah will help the Palestinians and the bombs will not explode anymore but I think they will explode anyway.

I pray and hope Hamas will send 1,000 rockets to Israel and kill them by the hundreds too but I think they will miss and injure only a few ….

I want to believe that the whole of the Gaza people support Hamas including those who lost or are about to lose their loved ones but I think quite a large number of them do not.

I want to believe that all of them agree that Hamas did not use civillian areas to launch rockets but I think they did.

I want to believe Israel purposely want to hit the civilians, the women and the children but I think they were targeting the Hamas militants and tried their best to warn the civilians to clear the area.

I believe the 2,000 bombs they sent can only kill 300 but I think they could have killed 3,000 instead.

I want to believe that the civilians are all redha to die and behind Hamas but I think a large number are afraid to voice out against Hamas.

I want to believe these are all takdir but I think Hamas can avoid all the civilian deaths by agreeing to the ceasefire.

I want to believe that Israel is totally and solely responsible for the deaths of civillians but I think Hamas made the choice on behalf of the civilians.

While we clapped our hands when Israeli civilians were killed, we condemned Israel for killing civilians in Gaza.

While we said they are Iblis and Syaitan and believe Syaitan and Iblis will run when they hear the reciting of the Holy Quran and hence the Gaza people should use loudspeakers and recite the Holy Quran against the invading Iblis and Syaitan, not guns … while I believe Allah is with the Palestinians and the Hamas, I think the Gaza people will suffer and will be at the receiving end and the victim this week.

I am fed up of the war.  I would like to believe Hamas did not have a choice but I think they do.

I want to believe Hamas put the lives of civilians as top priority but I think they did not.

But I will keep on praying and do whatever I can for the Palestinians even though I think it will not change things the way I want them to.

I was made to believe that the Hamas are all angels and the chosen ones whilst the Israelis are the Iblis and Syaitan but I think they are all humans.

I hope there will be a fair and just solution to this madness but I think an idealist has got no place in this conflict.

I have been following this conflict for more than 30 years and I sometimes think that God does not interfere with the affairs of humans. What we think and what we want to believe sometimes may be in conflict with each other.

– zamyahaya