Exclusive interview with the Malaysian Prime Minister

The following article is a work of fiction and in the event it resembles real life, or a person or persons still alive, already dead, or about to die, is not intended and is purely coincidental.

NO HOLDS BARRED 

Raja Petra Kamarudin

First of all, Tun, about the Cameron Highlands by-election, why did Pakatan Harapan lose?

Pakatan Harapan lost because Umno and PAS played the race and religion card. Also, they cheated. PAS did not contest the by-election and split the Malay votes like in the May 2018 general election. Then PAS asked all their supporters to vote for the Umno candidate. That is why Pakatan Harapan lost. If Umno and PAS had not cheated then Pakatan Harapan would have won.

So, Tun, you regard any cooperation between Umno and PAS as cheating?

Of course, why does PAS want to help Umno win? That is not fair. There are more Malays than non-Malays in Malaysia. So, if the Umno Malays and PAS Malays unite, of course they will win. How can the non-Malays win like this?

You accuse Umno and PAS of playing the race and religion card. But now you are talking about Malays and non-Malays. Is that not also playing the race card?

I am just talking about the reality in Malaysia. There are more Malays than non-Malays. So, if the Malays unite, how can the non-Malays win?

So, it is better that the Malays are split?

If you want to win the elections then, of course, it is better that the Malays are split.

But was it not you who said if the Malays do not unite then ‘others’ will grab power and the Malays will become hamba di negara sendiri?

I meant if the Malays do not unite under me. I did not mean if the Malays unite against me.

Gambar hiasan

So, to save the Malays, they must unite, but under you, Tun.

Yes.

Lim Kit Siang said if Pakatan Harapan wins the Cameron Highlands by-election, they will organise a seminar to discuss giving the Orang Asli real Malaysian citizenship?

So?

So, does that mean the Orang Asli do not currently enjoy real Malaysian citizenship? In that case what type of citizenship do the Orang Asli currently have?

I don’t know. You need to ask Kit Siang what he means. He said it, not me.

Okay, assuming the Orang Asli do not currently enjoy real Malaysian citizenship, why does Pakatan Harapan need to first win the Cameron Highlands by-election to rectify this? Pakatan Harapan is the federal government. Can’t you correct whatever is wrong with the citizenship of the Orang Asli now even if you do not win the Cameron Highlands by-election?

I don’t know. You need to ask Kit Siang about this. He mentioned it, not me.

Okay, Tun, let’s move on, you said you want to be Prime Minister so that you can save Malaysia. Can you explain that a bit?

What is there to explain? Everyone knows Malaysia is the most corrupt country in the world.

But then Transparency International listed Malaysia as number 62 out of 180 countries. So, Malaysia is not the most corrupt country in the world or even in the top ten.

That may be what they say. But as far as I am concerned Malaysia is the most corrupt country in the world.

Since when?

Since Najib Razak became Prime Minister.

But, since Najib became Prime Minister, Malaysia’s corruption index ranking has improved. It used to be worse back in the 1980s and 1990s. Back then it was closer to 100 instead of 62 like now.

I don’t know about that. In my time I was never arrested or charged for stealing 1MDB’s money. Najib has been arrested and charged. That means he is corrupt.

But Najib was not arrested and charged for stealing 1MDB’s money. It was for money-laundering and other issues. 1MDB was not mentioned in the charge sheet.

Samalah!

But should Najib not be given a fair trial and first be pronounced guilty by the court before you call him a thief?

I do not need a court to convince me that Najib is guilty.

You said the same thing about Anwar in 1998, Tun.

What did I say about Anwar?

You said you do not need a court to convince you that Anwar is guilty of sodomy.

So?

So, then you went and arranged a pardon for Anwar.

Just because I arranged a pardon for Anwar that does not mean he is not guilty. Pardons are for guilty people. You do not pardon innocent people. You acquit innocent people, not pardon them.

Thank you so much for your time, Tun. We really appreciate you consenting to this interview.

Hmph!