The truth as to why it floods, according to the Bible

But of course, that is if you believe in what religion teaches us, because I would have thought it would be easier if God have just commanded Noah to migrate to Brazil where there are plenty of trees instead of turning the dry and barren desert into a jungle just to build one ship. Hmm, but how would Noah have crossed the South Atlantic Ocean?

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin

Some say Selangor is flooding because last month Prime Minister Ismail Sabri Yaakob sacked the Selangor National Security Council (MKN) chairman, menteri besar Amirudin Shari, and replaced him with Selangor Umno chief Noh Omar.

That may be true, but without a doubt the non-stop rain did help in some small way as well. Noh Omar, on his own, cannot create floods, or create rain that causes floods, even if some do think he is the God of Selangor politics.

Some say Selangor is flooding because there are not enough trees to absorb the rainwater.

This was what was reported on 29th January 2004:

Heavy rains have caused major flooding over parts of Brazil during the past month where at least 66 people are reported to have perished as a result of the flooding and mudslides brought on by the rain. The northeastern coastal city of Fortaleza was reported to have received over 10 inches of rain on the 29th of January alone, the highest daily total there since 1910. The rains were triggered by cold fronts pushing up from the south and leaving behind boundaries that provide the focus for warm, humid air flowing in from the tropical Atlantic to generate showers and thunderstorms.

So, it is not because there are not enough trees alone that causes flooding. Cold air clashing with warm air, which creates too much rain, also causes flooding, even if you have too many trees that you cannot see the sky, like in Brazil.

Malaysia’s problem is there is too much hot air, caused by about seven million Barisan Nasional, Pakatan Harapan, Perikatan Nasional, GPS Sarawak, and GRS Sabah people talking cock non-stop.

Politicians are known for their hot air the world over. However, Malaysia’s political hot air is 15 times the world average, hence creating way excess hot air that causes all this excess rain. For example, Anwar Ibrahim, Dr Mahathir Mohamad, Lim Kit Siang, and Lim Guan Eng alone create more hot air than the entire British Parliament when arguing about Boris Johnson’s Christmas party in No. 10 Downing Street.

Anyway, when I was in the Alice Smith School — then next door to NAAFI (Navy, Army, and Air Force Institutes) behind the Istana Negara along the road where Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka now stands — we studied the Bible (they did not have Quran classes).

I was probably about seven years old then, and what we learned was that once-upon-a-time the Lord got fed up with humans because humans were disobedient and did not want to obey His commands — which I found quite puzzling because the Ten Commandments came later during the time of Moses and not did exist yet during the time of Noah.

Anyway, who was I to argue about what the Bible said? So I just kept quiet and did not ask any questions (because we are taught you must believe without question what religion teaches you even if what it teaches sounds absurd — plus I did not want to go to hell, as I heard it was a scary place and you could not party all day long like they do in heaven).

So God spoke to Noah (in those days if God spoke to you, you would be called a Prophet and you would not be arrested and locked away in a mental hospital like you would today) and asked him to build a big ship — which the Bible called an Ark for reasons which I still do not know until today (‘ark’ translates to ‘chest’ in Latin, which means to hold off or to defend).

But Noah lived in the desert where there were no trees. So first Noah had to build a jungle so that he could then cut down the trees to build his ship.

But trees would not grow in a desert because there was no water. So Noah had to look for water deep underground. And to pump water from deep underground below the desert, Noah would need a very powerful drill like they use when they drill for oil in the desert.

This drill would need to be very strong and made from steel to withstand the force and stress of drilling deep underground. So Noah had to first manufacture steel bars and pipes, which would require setting up a coal-fired steel mill.

This would involve importing coal from Newcastle, which in those days would have to be brought over to the middle east overland, after bringing it from England to France by sea. The Bible did not explain how this was done, though, and this was also puzzling since ships or boats had not been invented yet and Noah was about to be the first boatbuilder in history.

However, as I said, we were taught to never question what religion says, so I did not ask my teacher about this concern of mine.

To cut a long story short, after importing the coal to fire his steel mill, and after building the drill to drill for water, and after irrigating the dry desert to make it fertile for planting, and after importing the seeds to plant the trees (like how Malaya imported the rubber seeds from Brazil), and after cutting down the trees in the jungle, Noah managed to build his ship.

Noah then imported all the animals from all over the world (most or all which did not live in the desert other than goats and camels). It was a massive operation that has never been equalled until today.

Eventually, every creature in the world was squeezed into the ship in pairs. Luckily the huge creatures such as dinosaurs had already gone extinct billions of years earlier — which, again, I found puzzling since the church says the world is less than 7,000 years old.

Anyway, the bottom line is, this entire operation from planning to implementation stage must have taken hundreds of years — or maybe longer in those days since Noah would not have heard of Newcastle or that there was coal in Newcastle.

Eventually, though, God punished humankind by creating what is called the Great Flood. And since then we have been led to believe that, when a great flood hits our home, it is because God is punishing us for being naughty and for not listening to what we are told to do.

But of course, that is if you believe in what religion teaches us, because I would have thought it would be easier if God have just commanded Noah to migrate to Brazil where there are plenty of trees instead of turning the dry and barren desert into a jungle just to build one ship. Hmm, but how would Noah have crossed the South Atlantic Ocean?